Dangreen
1. You have been diagnosed with a paronychia.
2. A paronychia is an infection in the skin on the side of a fingernail.
3. The tissue next to the nail is usually warm, red (or purple and green), swollen, painful, and may contain pus.
4. Treatment usually involves making a small cut (incision) in the skin next to the nail to drain the pus.
5. In your case, however, we'll have to force the pus out by pressing on your five-day sore finger in the most painful manner possible. Think about trying to squeeze a potato out your nostril by pushing your ears together. It'll be a bit like that, only with electrical shooting pains ripping out your fingers and down your arms like the Emperor at the end of "Return of the Jedi".
6. To add insult to your obvious injury, since you're in the Air Force and wasted our precious time in this here Army Emergency Room, we'll wrap your gauze in the pinkest bandage we can find.
7. Have a nice day. Here's 20 red pills that might help keep the swelling down.
8. In the meantime, keep the dressing on your index finger for at least a dauy even if yuour thyping suyffers in thje process.
2. A paronychia is an infection in the skin on the side of a fingernail.
3. The tissue next to the nail is usually warm, red (or purple and green), swollen, painful, and may contain pus.
4. Treatment usually involves making a small cut (incision) in the skin next to the nail to drain the pus.
5. In your case, however, we'll have to force the pus out by pressing on your five-day sore finger in the most painful manner possible. Think about trying to squeeze a potato out your nostril by pushing your ears together. It'll be a bit like that, only with electrical shooting pains ripping out your fingers and down your arms like the Emperor at the end of "Return of the Jedi".
6. To add insult to your obvious injury, since you're in the Air Force and wasted our precious time in this here Army Emergency Room, we'll wrap your gauze in the pinkest bandage we can find.
7. Have a nice day. Here's 20 red pills that might help keep the swelling down.
8. In the meantime, keep the dressing on your index finger for at least a dauy even if yuour thyping suyffers in thje process.
posted by Dan at 9:35 PM
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