True lies
At 3:48 in the morning Wednesday, I emailed my professor the last of my take-home exams, meaning I'm 25% of the way towards my well-rounded degree (I won't get my grades for a while, so don't ask). I then finished cleaning up my apartment from east to west (windows to bathroom), including its first ever vacuuming, thanks to a loaner from the Martindale family. I went to bed around 9:30 in the morning after filling up my car (with gas and Combos[tm]) for the trip home.
Now. Ordinarily, your normal fella would leave on an 8-hour car ride early in the morning, or at least during daylight hours. However, I knew that getting my exams and projects comleted, sprucing up the pad for my father's visit in two weeks, and getting some shuteye would not happen on a typical schedule. I was also asked to stop by my in-laws' place in West Virginia to help fix their computer, and they're not the type to accept visitors at 1 in the morning. So, the plan was to stay up all day Tuesday working/packing/cleaning, sleep all day Wednesday, and leave at midnight-ish to surprise My Pregnant Wife when she rolled out of bed in the morning.
Fortunately, every day starting last Friday, I had nothing scheduled in the mornings, so I started sleeping in late after going to bed between 1 and 3 in the morning. Get that ciccadian rhythm shifted so I would only be awake every 17 years. Or something.
Like all surprises, this one had to involve some subterfuge -- I told MPW I'd be coming home Thursday. This was true. I also told her I had my last essay exam Wednesday. This we can put in the category called "sort of true." My phone rang at 1pm Wednesday (remember, that's my 3 in the morning) to tell me she loved me (I checked the message she left to make sure she wasn't in labor and then fell back asleep). When it woke me up again at 7pm, I pretended to be wide awake. "How'd you do on your exam?" "Okay, I think." This was true. Where I took the test wasn't discussed. She asked why I hadn't called her back all day. I told her my phone had died in my pocket and I'd only just noticed. This, technically, was a true statement if not taken in context, as at one point in history my phone has indeed run out of juice and my answer did not explicitly specify the time I would have been talking about. (Okay, I'm reaching here.) "What time are you leaving tomorrow?" "When I'm up and have washed the sheets." She just didn't know that her call was my "I'm up" time.
There's something about driving in the middle of the night. It's a little more adventurous, since the most that you can see is how far your highbeams can illuminate. During the day, you can see for miles, which can be disheartening (I have that far to go??), but at night, the only distractions are the stars and the few other nutbars on the road. I drove non-stop the 400 miles (thank you, 27.8 mpg T-bird) and showed up in WVa around 6 am to a bubbling pot of water for some tea (for most people, that's breakfast time), did what I could with their computer, and left a little after 7. I called my wife.
"Are you on the road already?" "I am on the road." True. If she had asked where I was, I would have said "east of Columbus", which would have been also true. She was more concerned with my apartment chores. "Are the sheets dry?" "They will be in two weeks..." "DANIEL." "No, no, I dried them." True, Dad. True. "Will you be home before 7 pm?" "I should..."
Rolled into the driveway around 9:15, snuck in the back way, then realized she's a trained Army killer, so I announced my presence with my typical dog whistle. Typical dogs came barreling down the stairs to ask where the hell I've been. Wife in the doorway, tapping her foot, sick of being lied to, although, technically...
Now. Ordinarily, your normal fella would leave on an 8-hour car ride early in the morning, or at least during daylight hours. However, I knew that getting my exams and projects comleted, sprucing up the pad for my father's visit in two weeks, and getting some shuteye would not happen on a typical schedule. I was also asked to stop by my in-laws' place in West Virginia to help fix their computer, and they're not the type to accept visitors at 1 in the morning. So, the plan was to stay up all day Tuesday working/packing/cleaning, sleep all day Wednesday, and leave at midnight-ish to surprise My Pregnant Wife when she rolled out of bed in the morning.
Fortunately, every day starting last Friday, I had nothing scheduled in the mornings, so I started sleeping in late after going to bed between 1 and 3 in the morning. Get that ciccadian rhythm shifted so I would only be awake every 17 years. Or something.
Like all surprises, this one had to involve some subterfuge -- I told MPW I'd be coming home Thursday. This was true. I also told her I had my last essay exam Wednesday. This we can put in the category called "sort of true." My phone rang at 1pm Wednesday (remember, that's my 3 in the morning) to tell me she loved me (I checked the message she left to make sure she wasn't in labor and then fell back asleep). When it woke me up again at 7pm, I pretended to be wide awake. "How'd you do on your exam?" "Okay, I think." This was true. Where I took the test wasn't discussed. She asked why I hadn't called her back all day. I told her my phone had died in my pocket and I'd only just noticed. This, technically, was a true statement if not taken in context, as at one point in history my phone has indeed run out of juice and my answer did not explicitly specify the time I would have been talking about. (Okay, I'm reaching here.) "What time are you leaving tomorrow?" "When I'm up and have washed the sheets." She just didn't know that her call was my "I'm up" time.
There's something about driving in the middle of the night. It's a little more adventurous, since the most that you can see is how far your highbeams can illuminate. During the day, you can see for miles, which can be disheartening (I have that far to go??), but at night, the only distractions are the stars and the few other nutbars on the road. I drove non-stop the 400 miles (thank you, 27.8 mpg T-bird) and showed up in WVa around 6 am to a bubbling pot of water for some tea (for most people, that's breakfast time), did what I could with their computer, and left a little after 7. I called my wife.
"Are you on the road already?" "I am on the road." True. If she had asked where I was, I would have said "east of Columbus", which would have been also true. She was more concerned with my apartment chores. "Are the sheets dry?" "They will be in two weeks..." "DANIEL." "No, no, I dried them." True, Dad. True. "Will you be home before 7 pm?" "I should..."
Rolled into the driveway around 9:15, snuck in the back way, then realized she's a trained Army killer, so I announced my presence with my typical dog whistle. Typical dogs came barreling down the stairs to ask where the hell I've been. Wife in the doorway, tapping her foot, sick of being lied to, although, technically...
posted by Dan at 10:07 AM
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