Teeed

Here are some things that piss me off.

• Leave my curtains alone. I loved I say again and I say I say again because that's how an Army LTC talks in my class parenthesis he also says however comma parenthesis LOVED walking back into my VOQ here the first afternoon to discover that the curtains were kept closed during the day. Everywhere else I've stayed, the cleaning crew comes in and makes the bed and opens up all the curtains, which I've had to immediately close. Unfortunately, it seems we've got someone new now, and the curtains were opened today. It's bad enough I'm having a battle with the Colonel downstairs about where we would communally like to keep the A/C set for our Hooch, but now I've got the sun beaming in? Great.
• I am a Human Being! With Presence! Do not discount that! Huzzah for whoever won the Nobel Prize for Plumbing and invented the automatic urinal flushers (heaven forfend that we would have to actually touch a lever ourselves), but it does little good for one's self-worth when one of them goes off when it is being utilized by your favorite Air Force Major. "I'M STILL HERE!!" I yell at it, to no avail.
• Residual Ass Matter. My chair in our seminar is right up front, near the instructor's computer (and one of only four available to us as students). Inevitably, I return from a break or lunch to find someone has pulled my chair over to said computer, disregarding any R.A.M. and leftover heat magmathematry readings that remain upon their departure. Think sitting on a warm public toilet seat. I don't need that kind of comfort. I'm not even looking forward to using my heated seats in my Ford Escape. But at least that's artificial heat, not some steaming, dug-in, buttoxical, humid, living, inescapable, carbon-based warmth. Most of the other students who sit up front are aware of the R.A.M issues, though are more helpful with the acronyms than anything else, like when Navy Commander Miller sat in it. "Now it's "N.A.M. -- Navy Ass Matter!" "Or J.A.M. -- Joint Ass Matter." Meanwhile, I stand patiently by until they are done, then rock the chair to and fro, spinning it a few times, trying to aerate Mr. Bad Heat away.
• Navy Funding. At Wright-Patterson AFB this winter, the gym stopped handing out towels to its patrons. Too many were getting lost ("stolen"), the Commander said, plus, due to funding issues throughout the military what with the Global War on Terrorism and all, everyone had to make sacrifices and cuts. So we had to bring our own towels. No big deal. Only I show up at Norfolk and the gym has towels up the wazoo! Also, AF and Army bases went to contract gate security years ago, but here? Two military guards at every gate. Not that it helps when they don't speak English:

"Can you tell me where the fitness center is?"

"Feetnas Centa?"

"Yes, the 'gym'? I was told it was down by the McDonald's or something?"

"...ees it by the pier?"

"...You know, I've never been here before."

"...Okay. If you go down and take a right and go to the pier it's by the McDonald's."

"...great."

The cool thing was that even though these were the wrong directions, down by the pier were a number of different Navy ships, to include a couple aircraft carriers. Now, if you've ever seen one, it's impressive. Seeing two side by side, however, is something altogether different. Especially with the sun setting behind them. I doubt visiting soldiers and sailors get the same awestruck feeling by seeing a couple Air Force aircraft lined up on a AF base's runway.

But we have great bowling alleys.

I say again.