Hermetical convenience
Dear Amazon.com,
From whence I gether many of my thoughtful Christmas gifts were purchased.
As you are well aware, people are dorks and gas is expensive and parking lot real estate is at a premium, which is why the smart consumer has turned to the ilks of you to the tune of $25 billion for on-line shopping with occasionally free shipping and less occasional problem-free holiday gift-giving: we don't want to go to stores and deal with the mashugana. Send our crap to the boys in blue (or brown, or yellow, or whatever those FedExers wear), and they will leave it on our doorstep, right under the door for us to step on in some cases, but hey they were tired last week and didn't need three more dogs barking at them.
So as I was slicing the packaging off of my movies and CDs this morning, it made me wonder: why the hell are you supergluing these Security Seals on anywhere from one to three sides of our products? We're not in a store. We're not walking by those metal pulonium 210 emitters standing like rooks on the corners of the chessboard that is your store, zapping everyone's private packages (so to speak) for contraband items, and we certainly don't have anything like that installed in our homes. We've given you the money ahead of time. What say you mail us these things wrapped in a loose thread we can cut, or tucked into a little paper sleeve, folded over once, just so? Why do we need these barcoded seals that mock us with their little arrow and "Pull" written in one corner, allowing us to dig our fingernails and rip only enough of the seal to rip off half of the word "Pull"? Why do you think it's funny to keep us from said digitized entertainment for another twenty minutes as we chip away at every other milimeter that unsticks itself under our bloody claws? That's like a car dealership selling you a car with an empty gas tank and a siphon kit, patting you on the back as you left, saying "Good luck! Happy Driving!"
Plus my wife would probably say all that plastic is bad for the environment or something noble, so go with that.
HUGS 'N SMOOCHES,
The American Consumer
From whence I gether many of my thoughtful Christmas gifts were purchased.
As you are well aware, people are dorks and gas is expensive and parking lot real estate is at a premium, which is why the smart consumer has turned to the ilks of you to the tune of $25 billion for on-line shopping with occasionally free shipping and less occasional problem-free holiday gift-giving: we don't want to go to stores and deal with the mashugana. Send our crap to the boys in blue (or brown, or yellow, or whatever those FedExers wear), and they will leave it on our doorstep, right under the door for us to step on in some cases, but hey they were tired last week and didn't need three more dogs barking at them.
So as I was slicing the packaging off of my movies and CDs this morning, it made me wonder: why the hell are you supergluing these Security Seals on anywhere from one to three sides of our products? We're not in a store. We're not walking by those metal pulonium 210 emitters standing like rooks on the corners of the chessboard that is your store, zapping everyone's private packages (so to speak) for contraband items, and we certainly don't have anything like that installed in our homes. We've given you the money ahead of time. What say you mail us these things wrapped in a loose thread we can cut, or tucked into a little paper sleeve, folded over once, just so? Why do we need these barcoded seals that mock us with their little arrow and "Pull" written in one corner, allowing us to dig our fingernails and rip only enough of the seal to rip off half of the word "Pull"? Why do you think it's funny to keep us from said digitized entertainment for another twenty minutes as we chip away at every other milimeter that unsticks itself under our bloody claws? That's like a car dealership selling you a car with an empty gas tank and a siphon kit, patting you on the back as you left, saying "Good luck! Happy Driving!"
Plus my wife would probably say all that plastic is bad for the environment or something noble, so go with that.
HUGS 'N SMOOCHES,
The American Consumer
posted by Dan at 10:09 PM
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