The Two-Kid Diet
I've figured it out. You can order all the crap you want at Mall Food Court establishments, you just need to share your lunch with your kids! Smaller portions! Perfect! I'm trademarking this idea! Look for it in bookstores! Just down the way from the Food Court! How convenient! Turns out Erin LOVES chili dogs.
Erin does NOT yet love, however, Mommy's Night Out, that rare quadrennial occasion where Ainsley gets to spend a night out with other adults, sans kids, oppositeofsans margaritas. Ainsley said her goodbyes at 7:00 pm last night.
Erin stopped crying around 7:40.
Of course it didn't help that at 7:01 I took her upstairs because Ainsley's cold was obviously preventing her from noticing that the Hezbollah was trying to smuggle some biological weapons of mass doodoo in my daughter's shorts, and the fallout was significant. I stood her up on her changing table to roll the stained onesie up against itself to keep it off her skin, so of course she pees all over her changing cushion. I quickly got her shirt off and put her in her crib so I could change the cushion cover, and she promptly and voluminously pees in her crib. So I quick stick a cork in that dam (Pampers, Size 3) and grab the phone to call Ainsley to find out where the sheets are kept and all the while Erin's shrieking because boobs are nowhere near her face (present daddy excluded) and I get the sheet but due to Federal Safety Regulations Concerning Acceptability Levels of Loose Bedding, it's like trying to pull a condom onto a Buick, and by then Erin was halfway down the stairs backwards all Screw It I'll Find Her Myself Dammit and meanwhile Ryan broke the mouse to the computer so Pluto certainly isn't going to be able to find those instruments on the Playhouse Disney maze. Finally got Erin calmed down and to sleep soon after 8, with Ryan following soon after, then I fed the dogs and cats and sat down on the couch and complained not an iota to anyone, since Ainsley deals with two kids and six pets by herself all the time.
I just need to get better at it.
And buy Ainsley a lot more professional massages.
Erin does NOT yet love, however, Mommy's Night Out, that rare quadrennial occasion where Ainsley gets to spend a night out with other adults, sans kids, oppositeofsans margaritas. Ainsley said her goodbyes at 7:00 pm last night.
Erin stopped crying around 7:40.
Of course it didn't help that at 7:01 I took her upstairs because Ainsley's cold was obviously preventing her from noticing that the Hezbollah was trying to smuggle some biological weapons of mass doodoo in my daughter's shorts, and the fallout was significant. I stood her up on her changing table to roll the stained onesie up against itself to keep it off her skin, so of course she pees all over her changing cushion. I quickly got her shirt off and put her in her crib so I could change the cushion cover, and she promptly and voluminously pees in her crib. So I quick stick a cork in that dam (Pampers, Size 3) and grab the phone to call Ainsley to find out where the sheets are kept and all the while Erin's shrieking because boobs are nowhere near her face (present daddy excluded) and I get the sheet but due to Federal Safety Regulations Concerning Acceptability Levels of Loose Bedding, it's like trying to pull a condom onto a Buick, and by then Erin was halfway down the stairs backwards all Screw It I'll Find Her Myself Dammit and meanwhile Ryan broke the mouse to the computer so Pluto certainly isn't going to be able to find those instruments on the Playhouse Disney maze. Finally got Erin calmed down and to sleep soon after 8, with Ryan following soon after, then I fed the dogs and cats and sat down on the couch and complained not an iota to anyone, since Ainsley deals with two kids and six pets by herself all the time.
I just need to get better at it.
And buy Ainsley a lot more professional massages.
posted by Dan at 1:32 PM
1 Comments:
I can so relate to this. When Zach started walking, within 3 months I was down to 127 pounds. I was always chasing two kids and never bother to to finish a whole meal because I fed the kids half! To bad it doesn't work anymore.
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